365: The Reboot

Ok, this post might produce some controversial comments, but I'm ok with that.  My intent is only to be honest and share MY experience... which in this case was a big fat "F" as in fail.  The Holy Land Experience advertises itself as a living, biblical museum that takes you back in time to the land of the Bible.    Despite being 100% religious in nature, this place is one of the only theme parks that seem to have increased their attendance during our recent recession.  The parking lot is always packed, the wait times average 20-30 minutes, and the physical expansion that has taken place doesn't seem near its end.  All of this speaks the language of success.  They are doing something right over there... right? 

During Spring Break, Jordan and I were looking for "new experiences" that would keep us out of the pending storms... hence we found ourselves at The Holy Land Experience once warm Tuesday afternoon.  He had been wanting to check it out as well, so we were both looking forward to the experience.  That is until we started walking from the car.  As usual, parking was packed so we had to park in the overflow parking... which provided us several hundred extra feet to experience the parking lot before getting closer to the park's entrance.  This is where we noticed the grass.  It was entirely fake.  All of the green grass along the road was fake.  I'm talking 70's indoor grass for your bomb shelter fake.  Next were the animals.  The attempted recreation of the invited animals, two-by-two, for Noah's Ark left a lot to be desired.  Most were cracked of outright broken.  All of which were plastic and faded from the hot Florida sun.  Many had the luxury of bird excrement dripping down its body in some unpleasant area such as its face.  Then we reach the entrance.  Zero staff greeting you.  That seemed odd.  We finally figured out we had to walk to the left and enter through the Guest Services entrance (though that is contrary to most other theme parks, so I'm surprised there wasn't an attendant directing guests).  Once we had our tickets in hand and were into the park, the disappointment just skyrocketed.  It was rare to see staff throughout the place.  Most everything was fake and plastic and just came across as looking very cheap.  The wax figurines we stumbled across were overly decorated and were very unreal in the scenes that were on display (its not my place to judge, but I highly doubt there were camels dripping in diamonds standing and watching as Jesus was praying on the mountain or while crucified on the cross).  Jordan commented halfway in the park that it all felt too creepy to him and he felt slightly uncomfortable.  "Yep," I said, "I'm with ya kid!"  We walked through everything once and decided to call it a loss and just leave.  The entire experience was just weird.  I will leave it at that and keep my opinions of what I witnessed by other guests to myself.  It's obvious the park is sponsored by a religious TV show, as its hosts were scattered throughout in cardboard cutout form.  Tammy Faye's twin sister even took a photo with Jordan.  Save your money.  Whether you are seeking a spiritual experience or just a fun day in Orlando... I don't recommend this place.